Issue #16

The Battle Royale
by Kristen Mueller

Standing atop a large wooden exhibit in the Walker Art Center's Target Gallery, The Battle Royale launches into their electro-indie hit, "Oh Martha." Below, models outfitted in Uptown-worthy prom gear strut circles around the spiraling stage, pausing to shake their bodies to the dance club beats.

This recent concert illustrates the unusual heights high schoolers Mark Ritsema (keys/vocals), Sam Robertson (organ/vocals), Grace Fiddler (bass/vocals) and John Pelant (guitar) have reached since they began playing together in 2005. But their organ-heavy music of late is a far cry from the band's beginnings.

"We started as a folk band," Fiddler said, sitting at a table in Caribou Coffee, where Pelant works after school.

Wearing a black smock, Pelant alternates between serving customers iced drinks and joining the discussion.

"We did it as a joke, kind of," Robertson added. "We would make up our lyrics as we recorded."
The results were songs about snowmen, the candy store, a high school football team and caffeine.

"They were pretty ridiculous," he admitted.

Ritsema's uncle gave him a garage sale-bought keyboard with "all these weird techno settings on it." Ritsema then made the executive decision to switch over to dance music. A wise choice, considering their first song, "My Nikes," was an instant hit with Radio K.

They simultaneously submitted "Hey Girl," a rap about getting under a Catholic schoolgirl's pleated skirt. The song helped secure them a spot in First Avenue's Battle of the Underage Underground competition, where they won first place. Their prize was a one CD deal with Ian Anderson's local label, Afternoon Records.

At the time, the foursome went by the moniker C-Section. When they realized people were taking them seriously as musicians, the group decided to choose a "real name." They opted for The Battle Royale, the title of a controversial Japanese film in which a group of ninth graders are deserted on an island, given weapons and forced to hunt each other down until one student remains.

So who would survive if the band members were pitted against each other?

"I would," Robertson said.

"Sam's feisty, but would you guys really kill a girl?" Fiddler asked.

The guys all immediately agreed they would.

"The thing is, there are certain parts on the island you can't be or else your neck thing explodes and your head will blow off," Ritsema said (he's the only one who's actually seen the movie). "So people get confused a lot of times and I'm pretty sure Grace would be...."

"No," Fiddler interrupted. "I would use my mind more. You guys would just run around."

"It depends on what weapon you have," Ritsema said.

"I would just hide and bite people's ankles," Robertson said. He reconsiders, deciding he'd rather wield high-voltage rock music.

"I'd blow your mind," he exclaimed, with a wavery voice and wide eyes.

Fiddler and Ritsema think Pelant would be the sole survivor if weapons were taken out of the equation.

Really?" Pelant asked, incredulously.

"Well, you have weight training man," Fiddler reasoned.

"Not really ... well, sort of," Pelant said, as everyone burst into laughter.

"You're ripped," Robertson said. "For, ya know...."

"...a guy in a band," Fiddler finished.

The talk turns back to weapons, samurai swords, light sabers and "anything that makes you bleed out the eyes" are considered, before moving on to more pressing topics, like college admittance tests.

Fiddler and Robertson took their SATs two days earlier, before opening for One For the Team's CD release show at the Triple Rock.

That same night, The Battle Royale announced their (bogus) plans to become a Christian band and tour churches. The group then performed "Oh Martha," with the lyrics changed to "Oh Jesus."

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